WHAT HURTS US MAY KILL US by Gbadegesin Adedoja


The Writers Hub


This is a part of life, the one that hurts and brings pain to the heart. A story of two mothers and two daughters, with agonies that kills them softly
Hear them speak;


“Maami; I will tell… tell you when I have my voice…only that you cannot read my eyes…my heart has been telling you! You just could not hear its call. I was small, it was long ago…but when I have my voice I will tell. Maami, I was scared… I only wept because I know I would rather die than tell. Maami, I lost my voice, myself, I was broken maami. He killed your baby…he spoilt me and he did not stop. Maami I cannot form words, I can only make tears… I hate what I have become, my shell is gone Maami, we sleep together but I still could not tell you. In the middle of the night, I will want to wake you and tell you, but I could not…. I was scared because he said he would kill me. Maami, I tried to kill him, I tore at him, I punched his face but he is stronger after all. I pray to God, I want God to strike him dead, I want God to give me strength I want him dead.
I know you would be disappointed in me.You always had hopes in me. You still think I am your pure girl but maami I am dirty. I cannot stand my skin. He is baba’s brother’s son. Maami, we all see him every day. I hate it, I hate him. You only see me smile at him I want him dead. I always wish him ill luck. Mommy he violated me since I was six till I was sixteen…”


My heart beats hard against my chest, it is painful, and it hurts. The sight of you makes me quiver; you must be an angel of fear. Your grip is tight, like the hold on a sword. You did not even see the fright in my eyes, your eyes look dead I must say. Your gaze bore holes into my skin, and burns my clothes. Every happiness in me takes flight at the mention of your name. I thought I would die because you said it. Your strangles chokes me. The pillow muffled my voice. His grip was strong and vile. These days his punches no longer hurt me, it is my daughter’s presence here that tears my heart in pieces. I do not mind the slaps or kicks they come often these days and I got used to it. This time, he does not like my daughter going to school, “it’s only a waste of time”, he said. No, she will not stop, she is the only hope I have, and she must not turn out like me. If for her I continue to get beaten and kicked, then I am ready to be numb to the pains. What a life!


The woman was dressed in a white dress and she had a funny cap on her head. She walked up to me and asked; “child! Why are your smiles dry? Why are your stares blank and distant? Tell me what you want child”. I asked if I could call her mother. “I hear kids call women that. I like the smile I see on their faces when they do”. I want to smile like them too, they look sweet, but within me is bitterness, and I have no hope of such a beautiful smile. “Mother! I stare into space because I want to find what make kids like me smile, and I see nothing.” My imaginations have run dry. Can I get a childhood like theirs? I lost mine a long time ago, to the kings of the dark, I have dined with fear, and daily I find comfort in the cold grip of pain.
However, for what was worth, I lived on, I believed I would survive, that is what keeps me going, I live to see the end of this long movie. One that features me, an island of feasts for beasts of all sizes and shapes.


“I want the loftiness of my dreams to drive me into a world of sweetness” I want to forever know the beauty of love I see every day. I want to own everything not everyone can have. Show me the path to freedom, let me spread my wings. Set my sights on the prize, I will find all the means. My dear when I close my eyes! The things I see; the beauty, the colour, of my own soul. The brightness of my dreams. These thoughts leave me wondering why the blind wants to see. Is to see her daughter buried at such a tender age, watching the brief life she had pass away like a breeze? Is it to see fresh earth heaped on her frail body and sigh “what a good life she would have had?”
Is it to see the wailings of a mother at the loss of her only hope! Her only succor! What does the blind want to see really? Dear when I close my eyes; I want to close it forever, I cannot stand the gloominess on the face of the earth no more, my dreams soothes me.
When you see the blind man, tell him to not want to see! This world is not worth his sight, it is only heartbreak to see. To see your own child wither away in the cold hands of death and all you could was to stare into her eyes and pinch yourself hoping it was all a dream.
We all have our stories, the beautiful ones we want to share the ugly ones we want to keep and want to forget. This is to everybody, who has had their fair share, from the bag of past, to the girls, who have had their taste of this horrid world, to the women, who have seen countless mishaps and travails. I seek for us all, peace in our hearts; I want for us all beauty from within.



Adedoja Gbadegesin; a girl as tall as the length of time and a skin the colour of the night. She is a graduate of sociology from the promising Federal University of Oye Ekiti, Ekiti Nigeria. She currently serving her father land in kwara state as a graduate assistant in the University of ilorin.
Adedoja is a down to earth girl that grew up in oyo town, oyo state. She is driven with the principle of “do unto others as you want to be done to you!”
As a very conscious individual of both the people and the society at large she loves to muse once in a while about life, love and persons.
Adedoja has an eye for very fine things, says why she has interest in fine men too (everybody likes good things afterall).
Alas! She has her flaws but she loves deeply and as such is prone to heart breaks, ( a victim of Game of thrones constant heartbreaks).
For a girl that loves to write. She has a number of write up to her name. She is always thirsty for writing and reading. She is open to corrections and learning at all times.
Certainly! For a lover of words, this is not enough to describe the kind of person she is. She can be reached through the following social media platforms

IG: @ash_abie_ade

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