“He can’t find you, your safe now, in my arms as it should be, daddy can’t touch you again it’s all over” saying those words to her daughter she tried so hard to believe it, she knew it wasn’t over, far from it, but she let the lies pour out and soothe her child, hoping, praying that those words would mend what he had broken, replace what he had taken.
They heard the front door open and close with a bang “close your eyes” she said “sink deep to yourself and do not surface till it’s all gone, hide your pain in your little dark corner and suppress it, do not let the world tell tales of your weakness”
She knew it was too much to ask of a 12year old, far too young to loose herself to the world, but how else could she have done it? How else could she have steeled her from what was to come? His presence came with a strong smell of alcohol, and like every other night before he made his entrance in the same manner “where is that wretched witch and her taboo child!”
She knew it was time, this couldn’t go on much longer, if she couldn’t save herself from the monster she had married she would at least save her daughter. “Sink my dear, sink” she whispered as she held her tightly, protectively like a hen to a chick. “Anytime now” she thought “just a little more time and it’ll all be over”.
Mama held me so tight I could barely breathe, I wanted to push her off me to get a little air, but I knew I shouldn’t, it was for my own good after all. I tried to numb it all, to block out the sound of papa staggering towards us, I knew what would come after, but I wondered if mama would let him, if she would go into her little corner and cry like she usually does while papa made her watch.
This time was different though, I could feel it, I could sense the fear but yet so much strength in mama’s hold. “Get away from her!”he screamed I closed my eyes tightly waiting for mama to pull away from me, “you will not harm my child anymore, you will not take away her innocence, neither will you taint her with you black sour heart”the fear echoed in mama’s voice, though trying so hard to suppress it.
“Taint you say, this child was tainted the minute she was conceived from your promiscuity”. I didn’t know what the words meant, I wasn’t given much time to reflect on it either, cause as the words left papa’s lips he charged at mama and I, dragging her violently away from me, “leave her alone” she screamed “ do not punish her for our mistake” “do not take my betrayal out on a clean blood”. Papa payed her no attention and he tore at my dress, dulling my senses with the putrid stench of alcohol that lingered on him like a second skin.
I did as mama asked, I sunk deep, and soon I could hear nothing, could feel nothing. I turned my head as papa started to move and noticed mama with the only knife we owned, I felt papa collapse on me, saw mama back up with a dreadful darkness in her eyes, and finally before my eyes went black I saw men with guns.